Rusty Hips Rose

The dried-up, chain-smoking, and uncomfortably lecherous old broad known as "Rusty Hips" Rose serves the crashing community regularly as a fixer and go-between, dealing face-to-face with teams of crashers on behalf of Cheneys too aloof, too secretive, or too paranoid to show up themselves. She is loathed (yet tolerated) by crashers for being needlessly bitchy, incessantly meddlesome, and punctuating every communication with smothering guilt trips worthy of anyone's Old World mother.

Rose is prized among Cheneys as a mean old bitch that above else, no matter what, without exception, will go to the fucking grave in a bad way rather than disclose the identity of the man behind the curtain - and once in the grave, she still wouldn't spill. Rose isn't particularly smart, dangerous, or well-connected, but her reputation for discretion makes her the conduit for some extremely important and lucrative jobs that otherwise would be way, way out of her league. Precisely how or why she developed this unflappable virtue despite having nothing else in the way of character is unknown, and Rose won't explain, but Ugly Rosa Briggs keeps spreading the rumor that Rose made some pact to escape her first and only crash, and that Rose's tight lips are in keeping with a sinister ban on her soul. Rose says that Briggs is a fat cunt that can burn, and isn't shy about suggesting that a crasher willing to fuck over Briggs would earn a favor.

Rose operates out of Song's Happy Laundry, an old half-closed Korean dry-cleaner on the bad end of town, in between a skin mag shop and shitty barbecue joint. The entire storefront reeks of smoke and stale coffee, and Rose always whines about being busy even though it's clear that the only business she gets is crashers. The business isn't completely a front - she'll get that rancid screw-spit and post-fungal eyeball jizz out of your favorite lucky leathers without question, if you don't mind getting overcharged and the goods coming back smelling like the Marlboro man at a tire fire. Rose rarely if ever leaves the establishment, instead sending out her over-enthusiastic but criminally swift boy Thumper to run errands, pick up stranded crashers, or do anything else that involves going way too fast in his muscle-car for an ostensibly "urgent" reason.

Rose crashed once long ago, back when she was much, much younger and - if you believe her - drop dead gorgeous. She constantly name-drops about the old guard of crashers, suggesting that she's fucked half of them and the other half only wish they could. Almost all of it is complete bullshit, but woe be it on the crasher who wants to call her on it at the expense of her already at-best bothersome good will. The smart play is to put up with her whining and deflect her saber-toothed overtures long enough to get the job and come back for the golden payday she offers.

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