The Tinker

Okay, sure, the world-wide go-to for futzing about with stolen nether-tech is most assuredly the famous Mr. Matt Damon, semi-willing employee of Dennis From Moline (Last Name Unknown). But, as always in a large community, there's overlap. Rivalry. Competition. More than one way to skin a cat, and all.

The problem for some crashers is that Dennis works with Stinko Yusarian, and that makes him an enemy of Legend Kligrapp, which is real bad for those who want info from the old-timer. And since Dennis can't (or won't) pay as well as the Fiddler, and since they have a professional relationship best described as "violently antagonistic", that's a problem for some crews who rely on the venerable Broker. And then there's the fact that the Abraxian Project hates Dennis From Moline so much that they can all but taste it. Shitheel Christ has a standing bounty on the smirking bastard's head, but nobody has been ballsy enough to cash-in on the deal so far, what with that famous magical protection Dennis is carrying.

Also, money has been tight for the Project recently, and the bounty is currently $400 and change.

So when a guy doesn't want to piss anybody off, but he's toting a microwave-like box swiped from the Great Below that appears to be made from several torn-up copies of "Cat in the Hat", all re-written into something pretty disturbing, stuck together with spittle & dozens of still-bleeding foreskins stitched together like a honeycomb, who can he go to for the skinny on it?

Enter the man known as the Tinker, or sometimes "Mr. Tinker" - one of the more famous Undamned currently dwelling topside. A beneficiary of whatever Drogovich's plan was, way back when he was working in Missouri and moving through "Phase 2," the Tinker is now an old man with a quiet life in a bad part of St. Louis, playing chess in the park and enjoying the sunshine when he can get it. He has a couple of dogs and several friends in the neighborhood, especially in the local restaurants where he eats seven meals a day and amongst the hookers and the pimps, since he's a frequent customer, very polite, and famous for tipping working-girls well.

The funny thing is, rumor between the girls says that the Tinker doesn't even have a penis. He just likes sleeping next to somebody. He prefers blonds, but he'll sleep with just about any girl he can … although he did kill that one Chinese chick last year, and he's very sensitive about that. Oh, and his real name is apparently Pheakdei, which is Cambodian for "loyalty", but nobody calls him that because he gets angry when people pronounce it incorrectly … and starts crying involuntarily and going into seizures if someone says it right.

Anyway: nobody knows why Callus Detier pulled the Tinker out of the Hot Spot, but there's plenty of speculation. By all accounts, the man has a knack for cobbling things together, puzzling out the build on various magical items, and sometimes even clicking to a conclusion that couldn't possibly make any logical sense: he fixed a Baghdad-battery-style device once by dropping autographed CDs into it and turning it clockwise eight times. It only works while under a new moon, but whatever - attach the electrodes to a person's nipples, and their whole body becomes as pliable as silly putty for one hour.

Theories suggest that the Tinker is old. REAL old. As in, pre-literate society old. That he's been Down Below since before the birth of Christ. And that he was a sort of "magician-scientist" back when the mortal world and the Big Nasty were a lot closer. But nobody knows, and the Tinker isn't talking … and even if he wanted to, Mr. Drogovich has Nigel Hamstring keeping tabs on the old guy's comings and goings.

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