(Excerpted from “Memoirs of a Hellcrasher”, a manuscript hand-written on the inside covers of several dozen Chick Tracts taped together)


“So how to describe the world we live in? Topside is the place that the damned covet beyond all else and the rest of us take pretty much entirely for granted. Don’t know what ya got ‘till it’s gone, as they say. It’s the world you see out your window, described by poets and piss-pots alike as the place where we get born, fuck around and die. It’s clean and dirty and loud and quiet and hot and cold and fresh and smelly. It is what it is and for the most part it’s a pretty okay place to be, where there aren’t really that many surprises and really not many real mysteries. For the most part.


Well, you live long enough and you live fast enough and sooner or later you might be in the wrong place at the right time, and see or hear about some pretty weird shit. Cheneys and crashers, cherries and ghost pussy – all the sort of seedy boy-howdy banality that good folk like you probably wouldn’t ever really care to have explained. But just because you don’t like getting your hands dirty doesn’t mean life always hands you a shovel when you have to dig a ditch. So here’s a lesson from your kind old Uncle Twitchy – if your life ends when your heart stops beating you should consider yourself very, VERY lucky. Because even though I ain’t ever met no one back from some pearly-gate harp-playin cloud-top, I met plenty of scumbags and baby-rapers who one minute was dancin in the Statesville hotseat and the next was waking up in the middle of a chattel-house getting butchered for meat and then tossed in an offal pit where they healed up and got butchered all over again.

So heaven? Not so much. The Pit? Yeah, baby that place isn’t just real, it’s so big that topside could be a figment of its imagination. Or maybe even topside IS heaven. But that’s some philosophical shit that I’m too sober to talk about right now. Go outside and play, kiddies. Enjoy it while it lasts, cause chances are you’ll never see what I’m talking about. But hey, maybe I’ll see you there.”

What We Know
Crasher Jargon
Game Terms
The "H" Word
Rust and Despair

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